I am brutally deported to a block number 3 and I am sick - according to a doctor. According to him I need to take stronger and more effective drugs. I say: "Doctor, you are probably right, in last days I have felt bad," but at the same time I tell to myslelf: I am O.K., I am O.K.. I am O.K.. But I will not be so stupid, small doctor, to argue with you. You are probably waiting me to start to persuade you that I am O.K. so strongly, that will be in my a problem. They are testing you, testing you. Doctor is enforcing me to sign up my voluntary entrance to the clinic which is in my interest. If I will not will go by the court way. I am thinking a moment: what to do now? If I sign it up I agree that I am sick and I am giving freedom to doctors to do with me whatever they want. If I will not sign it, it will go to the court, but I am O.K., I am O.K.! How can a judge improve that I am sick? But the judge does not need to see me! The doctors will say that in case of this an that … is imperative to start healing just now. I can make them angry if I will say that I will not sign it. But I think that the best solution will be the middle way. "It is important decision and I really do not know what to do," I say to the doctor and add: "May I have an attorney?" "Of course" replies doctor, "the clinic has its own lawyer." "You know, doctor, I prefer my own." The doctor is surprised, waiting a moment and then says: "You know, doctor, I prefer my own." The doctor is surprised, waiting a moment and then says: "You can, but is not is wasting of money, sir? When the clinic provides him free, and you have to pay him?" I reply: "Damage is when the good man dies!" "Think about it well!" says he in anger significantly and walks away. I am walking through the corridor among miserable wrecks of people. They are salivated, trembling and watching them is depressing. I am trying to talk with them. It goes wrong, but in spite of that I am getting to know that many of them used to live ordinary lives - they had women, children, high school education - and how do they look like now - terrible! These people used to have middle school, these people were mariied? No, no could not change like this! But when I see the number of an yellow pills which they have to eat, I am freezing. You are not the winner yet, man - I tell myself. What will happen to the doctors if they will start my treating? The doctor although said that I can have my own lawyer but I lied to him! I do not have any and moreover they can simply start the treating! After couple days, after some shocks, injections and yellows pills the promise that I can have a lawyer will not be actual anyway. I want to talk with the doctor but he is not seen for a long time. The nurses are destroying my mentality by continual commands and the atmosphere in the clinic - dark and sad corridorm unhappy hopeless people - it destroys me as well. In this surroundings the energy nurses are here the real emperors. Run away when is time! Look at these wrecks. They had high school exam, family, childern. Maybe if they could escape in time, they would be O.K. now. Escape quickly! If I will go by elevator there is a chance to escape downstairs. Fast running - close forest - you are the winner! I have decided - run away! Nurses are starting again: "Get shower! Hygiene! Take off and go under the water! You do not hear me, sir? You are not going to take off? We are not here only for you! Come on!!" If I could hit you, you cow, I am saying inside and loudly answering: "Of course, my good nurse, of course! It is clear that you have to be naked when going under the shower!" "You will loose your humor, do not worry!" said she. If she could know that I already did. Do not show them weakness, do not it! They are waiting for it! I am repeating inside again. I think again if is good to escape. They probably want me to do something like that and then the strong men from the block number 1 will appear - then "psychical peacing" and injections - "sting, sting" - and no lawyer is necessary! I already got it - I will take a book doing like I am reading and write an intelligent letter, when I am able to do it. After the treating will start I will not be able yet. They lend me a book so I am sitting and reading. When the nurses do not watch me I am writing the letter which is in the book. From the letter will be obvious that I can think logically and it and it will prove that it was not so bad with me. I am writing it also because that after some time when my visage will be after many pills look like these wrecks here and by this letter I will persuade that it is because of the pills that I look like idiot. I write also that I am not taking medicine for long time and that if somebody will hide me for 15 - 21 days, the medicine will not work more. But where to hide the letter? After getting shocks I will loose my memory and they can remove to another block. The clothes which I wear is changing all the time. The stupid nurse again: "Go away from this room, sir! We are closing. Go to a cultural room. Move on, we are not here only for you!" "Sure nurse, sure. I am here a short time and now I see how busy you are and how difficult it is." I am doing like if I had no problem. They jumped at that. Also the nurse stopped a little bit and reduced. Maybe she started to be aware that if I will survive, she can have problems. But you are still not the winner, not yet! No exhibitionism! With that you can only make them to be angry. This is about surviving! You can do it outside, but not here! Do not underestimate them! This I repeat all the time. Where to hide the letter? I have got it! Fortunately I have case for cigarettes and I can presume that if they remove me the case will I have still at myself. So I put it there. All right! Future is guaranteed and now they can intoxicate me. I believe that at latest after two months I am out of here. Then nobody can expect my escape. Today it is dangerous. The main doctor is coming. "How are you, gentleman?" "Wonderfull! Anywhere I did not felt so good like here" am I saying and I am looking around at all that wrecks. "It Is a pity, sir, you have to leave." I am leaving maybe like the winner and I splash the letter to a toilet. But what missed, what missed.
Bohuslav